Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
