***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
