Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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