Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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