No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
