i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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