Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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