In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
