literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
