Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
