so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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