My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
