i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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