Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
