: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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