ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
