No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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