put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
