Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
420 ftw
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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