I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
