There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
