I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
