he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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