Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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