she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
