I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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