I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
