she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
