so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
