Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
