Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
