i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Four minutes until I can fart!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
