Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
