I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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