I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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