Even the bartender felt bad for me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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