he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize