I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
