never play flip cup with pint glasses
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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