this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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