Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
