She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
