just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
