Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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