It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
