I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
