I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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