my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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