I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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