Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if only i could text you this smell
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
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So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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