Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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