I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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