I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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