How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
