Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
