So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
