My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
