Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
