Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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