i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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