He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
