It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
