Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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