chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
