i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just tell him i said nine months
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
