my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
