And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
