These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
