Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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