then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
