a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
