put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
