For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
