Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
