So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
tell me about the eggs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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