She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
