i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
